“It’s the Wild West Out There”: Autistic Adults’ Experiences of Seeking Connection Through Dating Apps

Authors

Abstract

Background: Autistic adults often encounter barriers in initiating and sustaining romantic relationships, including fewer opportunities to meet partners, elevated social anxiety, and increased vulnerability to rejection or victimization compared with non-autistic people. Digital platforms may offer novel pathways for connection, yet little is known about how autistic users navigate online dating. Methods: As part of a larger mixed-methods project, we conducted 20 in-depth interviews with autistic adults (aged 23–54; eight men, 11 women, one nonbinary) who had used dating apps to explore their lived experiences of these platforms. A mixed autistic and non-autistic research team performed reflexive thematic analysis through coding and theme development. Results: We developed four major themes through reflexive engagement with participants’ accounts: (1) Dating apps expand social connections: Apps broadened social circles, reduced in-person pressures, and supported active screening for compatibility. (2) Making connections online can come with a cost: Participants described online dating as draining, exhausting, and sometimes harmful due to manipulation, ghosting, and stigma. (3) Disclosing “can go either way ”: Disclosing autism served as both identity affirmation and protective filtering, yet also exposed users to stereotyping and rejection; decisions about timing and method were strategic and nuanced. (4) Designing for inclusion and safety: Participants advocated for stronger safety features, richer profiles, and simple guidance or peer supports to improve accessibility and inclusion. Conclusion: Online dating offers autistic adults opportunities for connection while also presenting similar social and emotional challenges to offline contexts. Disclosure on dating apps is a nuanced, context-dependent process, and inclusive, safety-centered design can help create more supportive digital spaces.

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